5/3/18 - Tin Man

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It was a nice day. I didn't have to have any PRN's [an abbreviation meaning "when necessary" (from the Latin "pro re nata", for an occasion that has arisen, as circumstances require, as needed)]. The PRN medicines I speak of are Morphine and Adivan. They are given to me in a small one time dose when I am having a tough time during the day, to calm me and keep my heart and body from getting more hurt. I get pretty upset sometimes and it's too risky to let my heart rate get high and my renal numbers get low. So, I get a "PRN". Lately, though, I haven't needed any. It is wonderful to be better at controlling my moods. I was awake most of the day today. I listened as Mom read my letters to me. She also stood next to my bed and sang to me softly the songs she knows I like. I think my favorite ones are "You Are My Sunshine" and "Home On The Range". I tell her I like them by raising up my eyebrows and looking right into her eyes. She's sweet to me, Mom. I still wonder what she thinks about. She just stares at me for hours when she is here and pokes and rubs and pats me. Such a weirdo. The nurses also read to me again today from my books. I really love that. After I ate at noon, I got to try sitting up with Mom again. I did pretty good for a few minutes. I've never been that close to her before. It was nice. I snuggled in and we just looked at each other. I don't know why she cried again, but I had her smiling not long after I got into her arms because I had a man-sized poop right in her lap. I was proud. The nurses and doctors are always wanting me to poop...so there ya' have it! I went back to my bed and then Dad called. Mom put him on speaker phone to say Hi. I heard him and looked around to see him, but Mom said he was at home and I was hearing him thru a speaker. It was still nice to hear his voice. Then, I snuggled up in my Lion King blanket from Grandma and watched my mobile until I dozed off. Perfect. 

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I received the sweetest hand written cards...one from my friend Ellen and one from my cousins Ford & Lily. They told me they are praying for me and to stay strong. I thought that was so sweet. Mom told me that, "...a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others". It's a quote that the Tin Man from The Wizard Of Oz said. I feel loved. Very loved. I relate a lot with Mr. Tin Man, he was broken like me. His armor rusted up and he needed some oil to help him work again; he missed a good heart beating in his chest and thought he couldn't love without it. My body needed some "oiling" too...some prep and priming to get my organs working again after I died. I am also missing a good heart beating in my chest, but mine is just broken. Mr. Tin Man got his heart from a man named Oz, but mine will come from somewhere much more meaningful. I promise to do right by whomever gift's me my second chance at life; my gift of a new heart. I am a good boy and will do good things in the world someday. I promise. Until my heart gift comes, Mom told me what Oz said to his new friends; "You have plenty of courage, I am sure," said Oz. "All you need is confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and that kind of courage you have in plenty." I am courageous and strong. I can get thru this adversity and be strong someday. Just have to keep my dukes up and keep fighting. Thank you to all who have prayed for me and kept me, my family and my someday donor's family in your hearts. It's a special thing, a heart. It holds so much...

 

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