6/9/18 - A Heart Baby
It was a trying day for me. My girlfriend worked so hard to console me this morning, but I just wanted her to know I don’t feel right and I just got myself very upset. She cares about me and gave me some Adivan to help me work thru the emotions without too much damage to my body. I can’t get so mad. I’m a “heart baby” everyone’s keeps telling me. I wish I understood that more. I feel mad, throwing a fit like any other baby would if something was wrong and they have to give me sedation/anxiety medicines? It isn’t normal, I’m just little, but for a “heart baby” it is completely normal. The care staff here don’t take chances with me and how sick I am. I’m not getting better. I’m critically ill and waiting for a heart.
I sat up in my Boppy pillow a long while. The Adivan did it’s job and I relaxed. My heart rate was still a little high, my renal numbers still a little low and my respiratory rate still a little fast, but I was comfortable. I could hear my music and my girlfriend was talking to my Mom and Dad. I didnt feel like visiting much and kept to myself, just listening to them. Dad was excited to see me. He had been gone all week. I missed him and enjoyed listening to him talk to me. Mom was on my other side, holding my hand. It’s hard for them to see me under-the weather so I mustered up all I had to give them a big Adivan influenced smile and let them know I’m going to get thru this. I am very tough. “This” is unknown right now. I’m not feeling myself. Fever, little bit harder time breathing, elevated heart rate...maybe some sort of infection? Again... 🙁 My care team will get it figured out.
I opened my eyes to see Mom and Dad just quickly for a minute before dozing off for the afternoon. I love them. Mom had on a blue shirt. I love blue. I closed my eyes and I slept the rest of the day. Mom and Dad turned my room lights down and turned on my music box that plays crickets and frogs sounds. I dream of being home one day and listening to real ones outside my bedroom window. For now, I need rest to fight off whatever is causing me troubles the last couple days. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers again. Lord knows I need all the love I can get. Pray I can stay strong as I have been until my heart gift comes, that whatever ails me now is just minor and doesn’t cause any setbacks and the my heart gift comes soon. Good night. Talk tomorrow. Love, Heath