7/20/19 - Ungrateful

Today was the first day with my new heart. My donor’s Heart. The gift of life given to me by someone, graciously, at the end of theirs. The Heart I’ve needed, longed for, prayed for...this is the heart that came in my desperate time. This heart. The heart. A heart. Yet, as ungrateful as it could be seen as, we didn’t want this. This tragedy? This reminder of what was. This hurt, pain and absolutely outrageous heartbreak. We didn’t want to re-live this all a second time. Yet, here we are. Here I am. With this heart. With this life. With this... 

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We will try to keep blogs going so family and friends are updated on my condition and we don’t have to answer a hundred phone messages. Please understand that they will be short, vague and maybe somewhat difficult to take in. My family is working thru a lot of frustration, anger, sadness, heartbreak and confusion right now...all of which should not be written about openly in too much depth until their heads are strait. There is a lot left unanswered, a lot of fear and a lot of concerns. My condition is poor. Do I have a chance? Yes. I’m in need of a lot of prayers...more than are fair to even ask for. I need prayers that I live thru this. This heart...it needs strength, from somewhere, and I’m tired and little...pray for strength. Pray it can beat strongly after some rest, here. Pray it works out for me. Pray I’ll get the chance to live. To go home. To meet my family. To snuggle with Mom and Dad, again. We are so scared and broken. I am always strong, though. I fight. I’m just taking an ECMO break right now, Mom keeps telling me today. Just a little ECMO break for my new heart to heal. I pray that’s how this works. Take a break and rest on ECMO over the weekend and then Monday or Tuesday, try this new heart again. Pray it works. I need it too. It has too. Please...please...pray I’ll be okay. That I will be okay. 😭 -Heath

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